June 30, 2009

Man Made Box

This city is lonely sometimes.  

Man Made Box: the lonely city

After work, all the dogs retire to their kennels.  We escort them into their man made cages and provide them with food, water and blankets.  The cats curl up in their tiny cubicles, the lights go out and we all go our separate ways.  We 2-leggers say “have a good evening” and “you too”... then file accordingly into our cars, our bicycles, our trendy scooters with bumper stickers that scream against animal cruelty and promote being Earth friendly.  Sometimes we go out for drinks before going home.  For the most part, I usually just go home.  

Unless there’s bad weather I rarely drive my car these days and have become comfortable with my scooter.  I have to take different routes home to break up the monotony.  I tell myself that noticing the blooming flowers or a bird flying by counters this sudden rage against the machine.  I tell myself that I am unique and that it is because of these nice little things that people gravitate my way.  I tell myself a lot of things that do not correspond with daily reality.  People don’t “like” me because of all these nice little things.  They don’t like me because I occasionally notice a bird or a flower.  They don’t gravitate towards me because of all these things....  because I have never talked about things like that. I don’t express such notions.

Instead I just continue to go through the motions while everybody else around me goes through the same motions.  We smile together. We drink together. We work together.  We buy the same sort of clothes, shoes, and vehicles.  We have the same bumper stickers.  We joke around about farts, butts and sex organs like kids on the brink of puberty, a stage we seem to be arrested in sometimes. We all do these surface acts in perfect harmony.  Yet the air of disconnection feels dense today. It grows denser with each day.  We all wait until we are alone to be who we really are.  We return to our man-made boxes with pretty windows. 

Man Made Box: trapped 

I come here... my “home”, hang my garb on the coat rack, shower, eat, light a candle, watch t.v. and fall asleep.  Tomorrow I will wake up, throw on a pair of cargo pants, lace up my shoes, grab my helmet, my keys and my lunch of 3 healthy things... then head to work.  I will say “good morning” and “have a great day” to the same neighbors I see every morning on my way out the building.  They will say it back and when I get to work, the Sun will be coming up and we will begin letting the dogs out of their boxes.

June 28, 2009

Egg-Frying Days of Summer

I love the sunshine!!!!  

Egg-Frying Days of Summer: I made a wish that didn't come true

Today was a bit cloudy and not scorching hot- geesh!!!.  Thank goodness because I was getting real tired of these egg-frying, dog days of summer.  Speaking of dogs, I took them to the park and played Frisbee.  Well, everybody except for poor Roth, the golden retriever at the kennel, who hasn’t been himself lately.  He shows no interest in playing or even eating (2 things he usually enjoys.)  He used to show up all the younger pups and had a good amount of energy.  Oh, Roth… what a sweet creature.  The park isn’t the same without him.  I hope he gets better soon.  All the other dogs had fun though.  

I wore a tank top and let the sun kiss me enough to ease this wicked shoulder pain of mine.  As the dogs played and jumped up for the Frisbee, I felt like jumping up also.  I don’t know what is happening to me or what’s happening within me.  I keep having a sort of longing for “escape”.  I want to run like the dogs without leashes in the park.  I want to dance out in the open....  I want to be me but I don’t know if that would be okay.  

It’s funny how we make “pets” out of animals that could survive in the wild before we ever got hold of them.  I hope this weather stops by again tomorrow.  It’s nice to be able to breath a little bit without feeling like I’m eating fire!  

June 27, 2009

Shiny Things

I am starting this blog for many reasons... some personal, some experimental, and others without definition.  I have always wanted to write elegantly but would get distracted by the “shiny things” (that's what the master minds use to refer to the thousands of things that distract one from the current moment).  ha ha ....  I get distracted by “shiny things” like commercials with intentionally high volume,  little cute puppies that scream to be cared for and imaginary photographs of myself in far away places helping people... and creatures alike.

Today while getting dressed... I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and saw myself in a way that I have never seen myself before.  The music was blaring in the bathroom of course because that’s the way I like it.  That’s the way I roll....  Anyhow I couldn’t help but move in closer and closer to my reflection.  I stared myself in the eyes for what felt like eternity.  I watched my pupils as they dilated.  I noticed lines around my eyes for the first time. It felt like I was having a series of flashbacks.  All kinds of things surfaced and I suddenly was scared of my own reflection.  

Shiny Things: the door opens to a new journey 
Oh well, I turned the music up a bit louder and danced. Crazy!!!!  

June 02, 2009