February 17, 2010

Walking in London

We arrived in London yesterday. Sara has a friend here, she has friends everywhere. He let us stay in a spare bedroom at his flat. I slept next to her - we've been sharing the same bed for the last few weeks.  I've watched her sleep these many nights and I want to reach out and touch her. I can't really explain it, it's not like I'm a lesbian or anything. This woman, she's just so magnificent. I don't think she feels the same way about me - I don't know what I would do if she did. We stayed up late, as we do, talking of her travels. It's an interesting life she leads. She never stays in the same place for more than a few days and she never knows where she'll be in a week's time. She says that she doesn't make plans, they make her. She follows her nose to the next city and opens herself up to whatever or whoever comes. She smiled at me when she said that. I wonder how many people have been like me, swept up in the tornado that is this woman. Mesmerized by her existence and captivated by her presence. She's so   amazing, I just want to live in her light.
I left early today to explore the city. Sara insisted that I go out and explore on my own for a while. A big part of me is scared that she won't be there when I return, but she promised that she wouldn't leave me behind. London is beautiful - I spent the entire morning walking through the streets. It's strange that so much of that stuff we learned in history class happened here. The city's age is reflected from side streets and buildings, but all of the cars and shops make me feel like I'm in a time warp. 

I returned to the flat to see if Sara was up for lunch. She loves to sleep in, rising whenever she feels like it. Hers is a life of complete freedom. If she doesn't want to do something, she doesn't do it...plain and simple. I heard voices when I walked in - one of them was hers. The other belonged to an Englishman and it wasn't the friend we were staying with. I was quiet as I crept down the hallway to the bedroom. The door was only slightly ajar and I peeked in through the crack to see her bent over with her hands on the desk as he took her from behind. She looked bored as he had his way with her. It didn't last long and he was zipping up within minutes. She leaned back against the desk and held out her hand to him. He handed over a wad of cash and she told him to show himself out. He came out of the room and I dove into a closet. After he left, I stayed in the closet. I didn't know what to do. 

There was a knock on the door and I heard Sara's voice. She told me to come out, but I really just wanted to pretend that I hadn't seen any of it. She opened the door and poked her head inside. She didn't apologize for what she had done. She wasn't even ashamed. she knelt down in front of me and kissed my hand. The feel of her lips on my flesh was intoxicating. She started to explain, but I couldn't hear her. Our eyes met and she said something in French then she kissed me. I forgot all about the Englishman. That was business, but when she took me into her bed...that was something else.

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