Slow Motioned Pigeons

I don’t know if it is something that happens at this age or the times we are living in or what!!!  But I have been seeing things in slow-motion lately.  When the pigeons fly out from under a bridge...  time seems to slow down.  When the guy who spins signs at the cell-phone store down the street,  it seems to spin extra slow now.  

I have taken note of my hands, my fingers, each strand of hair on my head.  I have never been this way before.  I use to be easily satisfied and pre-occupied... was never the book worm artsy type.  I kind of felt sorry for those girls.  Now I am thinking they were on to something.  I have prided myself in believing that I am “good”... that I help people.  I never realized that I do care about money and material possessions.  I care about them and am incarcerated by them.  My friends come by and enjoy them with me then go back to their lives.  I am no different than the pigeons or the thug spinning signs on the street side.  

We have all tricked ourselves into thinking we are good...  that we are in a position to help the ones who are “lost” or not as well off.  Meanwhile we can’t even look ourselves in the eye.  Maybe that is why Re-Run keeps staring at me, through me.  Maybe she is waiting for me to really exist.  Maybe she is waiting for me to become a real live girl.

Slow Motioned Pigeons : a real live girl